


The nerd and the coke whore (a classic)

by ThatsWhyImNot



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Gavin Reed, College AU, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, First Love, Gavin is broken, M/M, RK is a Nerd, This one is gonna get spicy, Top Upgraded Connor | RK900
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:42:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatsWhyImNot/pseuds/ThatsWhyImNot
Summary: According to his plan, Gavin had no plan (for his life). He was barely surviving every day. Hanging on to the thought of the next high and his fluffy cat Lou. And then there was the nerdy exchange student from Strasbourg, Niles. Who was always buttoned up and well behaved, who loved chemistry and comic conventions. And who had his whole life planned neatly out. He wanted to hate him, really, but the weirdo just knew which buttons to push to become Gavin's new favorite rush. // Part of this story is them sorting life out, the other part is getting in each others pants. All nicely wrapped up with a bit of drama.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 23
Kudos: 44





	1. Crushed up diet pills

Gavin inhaled a second line. Today was a particular bad day, he thought to himself, when the familiar tremble started to grow under his skin. A third one, a third one would do the trick, get him through the exam.

Or maybe he would get wasted and start to vomit aggressively about his papers.

On closer examination the second option would be more possible and he swung his legs from toilet seat.

He had to steady himself on the pale restroom walls because for a moment he felt like he was going to faint. Heartlessly he proceeded to swipe the last remnants of the amphetamine from the top of the flushing box.

It left a white stain on the floor, Gavin snorted, nobody would care anyway. Hell. Nobody would use this fucking restroom if it wasn't for getting high on any shitty illegal drug or having dirty bitch ass sex.

The sound of an opening door alerted Gavin's improved senses and he turned around, ready to rush out the toilet. An unspoken rule. You shall not talk in those holy halls.

Preparing to leave the restroom as fast and smooth as possible Gavin opened the door. His gaze glued to the dirty floor tiles.

Then his body crashed into a bigger one.

“Fuck! Move.” he grunted the speed still bumping in veins.

The boy, he bumped into, smelled like forest and some kind of stinging chemical. Despite his command, he didn't react. The drug was now practically snarling at his insides and Gavin grunted.

Finally the body moved, the strong halogen light blended him for a second.

“Pardon, eh, I-I mean s-sorry.”

Gavin squinted his eyes. The boy was tall and looked a bit unreal in the industrial shine, he seemed flustered and his voice carried a heavy foreign accent.

Gavin never saw him before.

“I-I wanted to wash my hands.”

The foreigner held up his palms and Gavin noticed tiny black spots on them.

“-tap is broken.”

Gavins lips were pressed to a thin line and barely moved when he spoke.

“Que? The tap is broken?”

Gavin was getting impatient. Why did this guy talk to him? Can't he just leave him alone? Does he not know how to behave properly?

Instead of starting to gnarl and bark at the stranger, he just pointed at the tap and noticed his own reflection in the glasses of the boy.

For a moment he was scared by what he saw. Droopy, black eye bags, scruff on his cheeks and blown pupils, and he was almost as pale as the bathroom tiles.

“Ah.” said the boy. “Thanks I guess.” and flashed him something you could call an awkward smile.

He waited for an answer, but Gavin just pushed him to the side (fuck, the boy was pretty hard to move) and finally left the bathroom.

The halls were crowded, there was an announcement about new exchange students but Gavin didn't listen. His eyes were scanning the crowd for- there he is.

“Leo.” he grunted.

The student turned around and gave him a nasty look.

“Bitch, you sold me shit again.” he snarled and for a moment Leo's eyes widened, he took a step back.

Then Gavin's lips curled into a smile and he slapped him on the shoulder. Leo relaxed instantly and his mimic got brighter.

“I can _always_ count on you.” Gavin continued to purr, his thumb drawing circles on the wet leather, that clasped to Leos shoulder.

It was raining, he concluded, Leo always came with his motorbike. And this day was no different.

“Gavin-” he eyed him suspiciously. “You're high as fuck.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” he spat, the drawn circles getting a bit more forceful, he noticed the tensed muscles of Leo. “And I need some more...” Gavin finally whispered.

“Sure.”

Gavin huffed surprised. It never was this easy-

“If you pay for it.”

Leo had this nasty look again and Gavin pulled his hand from his shoulder.

“You know I can't pay yet.”

“Yet?” Leo laughed. “You're in debt Gavin. I am not somebody you can suck off to get high.”

“How much?”

Gavin had exactly 26,46 dollar left on his bank account. And he still had to buy new cat food.

“Make it 800.”

Gavin turned white.

“You're fucking kidding me, man? 800 Dollar?”

His hand shoved into his pocket. There was a lighter, some loose tobacco, and a few bank notes.

“Look Leo, I got-” he counted the money. “12 dollar. And-”

“Fuck this, Gavin.” said Leo and closed the door of his locker.

“N-No wait! How much do I get for that?”

He continued to search his pockets, his lighter and ID fell to the floor. Some students, stopped and watched Gavin pull out the insides of his pants. Loose tobacco and a few cat snacks followed. With triumph in his eyes he held up another banknote.

“Leo! Leo wait. What can you give me for 14? Come on, mate-!” Gavin shouted and then realized that the whole hallway was staring.

“Mind your own god damn business!” he gifted and shot a lot of death glares.

Leo was gone now and when the people realized that the show was over, they went on with their life. He felt sick and strained and weak.

Gavin bend down to pick up his lighter and the ID, when his legs gave in. He would have collapsed if there would not have been to strong hands on his shoulders. And then there was it again: The smell of forest and chemicals.

“Are you alright?”

Gavin shoved him away, not wanting to admit his weakness.

“Fuck off-” he grunted and fell on his butt.

Anger and frustration build up in him and he slammed his fist against the lockers.

“Here... Gavin.” the boy said and held his ID.

He grabbed it and ignored the weird feeling he got when their hands brushed.

The stranger picked up his lighter and Gavin snatched it.

“Don't fucking touch my lighter, shithead.” he cursed and grasped onto it tightly.

The boy stood up again and held out his hand. Gavin refused it, turned away from the foreigner and pulled his legs up to his chest. He didn't need any help.

Slowly the hall was emptying again, classes would start soon. When he looked up again, the boy was gone too. He waited until there was nobody left and pulled himself up on his feet. Chemistry was his next lesson.

The class was unusually quiet when he entered the room. Normally there would be some comments about him being late or high again or both. But the attention was on somebody else.

_Fucking prick._

The strange boy sat at his table in the last row and the corner of his mouth lifted, way to friendly, as he noticed Gavin coming closer.

“You are sitting at my table. Move.”

Now the attention was on them both.

“Gavin, everybody is sharing a table and this was the only free space left.” he said and Gavin hated the way his tongue curled around the English words (and especially his own name).

“I don't care, this is my table.”

_Stop invading my space._

“Mr. Reed, what an honor that you decided to join my class, but could you please take a seat before I have to inform the director again.” The voice of Mr. Miller was sarcastic and he meant to hurt or at least humiliate Gavin with his words (he was sure). A few students chuckled, others talked in a low voice. He heard the name of his half brother a few times and felt something break inside of him, when he finally sat down on the free chair.

Mr. Miller had that smug expression on his face and Gavin wished he could punch his teacher with a golf club until he couldn't move it anymore.

“I didn't had a chance to properly introduce myself and you weren't here when I presented myself to the class.” the boy next to him whispered, when Mr. Miller wrote something on the board.

“So - Hi.” he said and lifted his hand to do – some kind of gesture.

He held up his palm and spread his fingers between the ring- and middle finger, it created a V-shape, with the thumb extended.

“Live long and prosper.” he added and smiled at Gavin.

Gavin looked at him, utterly stunned and not sure if he should be confused or just angry. He decided to not answer at all.

“It's the Vulcan salute.” Gavin started to think that this boy was talking nonsense. “From Star Trek.”

Gavin blinked one time and tried to figure out why the stranger was still talking to him and how he could make him stop.

Then he changed his tactic.

“I'm Niles. I'm from Strasbourg, France.” and held out his hand.

Gavin didn't take it.

“ _Interesting._ ”

He wished _Niles_ would go away.

“Mr. Reed, stop distracting our new student. Or do you _want_ to get detention.”

There was that hungry smile again, hungry to see Gavin suffer.

“Mr. Miller, it was actually me who talked to him. Pardon.”

Gavin watched Niles out of the corner of his eye. His hands were trembling, but his voice was firm and confident.

He didn't listen to Mr. Millers answer but the class seemed to go on, he couldn't stop staring at Niles hands. They were big and kinda ruff, veins were pulsing through the pale skin, his nails clean. There were some red spots, he remembered the bathroom scene and figured out it was from the black stuff he had on his hands.

He watched him. Copying the board with the formulas with clean and strict strokes. Sometimes one of the hands lifted, shortly followed an answer or a question and some oh's and ah's from Mr. Miller.

“You know...”

“What?” Gavin was tired, the effect of the drug was wearing off and he wanted to curl up and sleep.

“I don't really like you.”

Surprised Gavin lifted his gaze. Niles was still staring at the board.

Well, he figured, that was easy.

Then Gavin stood up and stepped to the front of the class.

“I need to use the restroom.”

Mr. Miller rolled his eyes but let him go without saying a word.

He really had to get new shit soon. The stuff he had left wasn't even enough for half a line, so Gavin found himself on the empty corridor in front of a coffee machine. Waiting impatiently for a hot cup.

He could lend some money from Tina, but no, she already gave him like 200 bucks last month. Selling stuff of his apartment doesn't work either. He already sold his TV and microwave. Then the image of him being on his knees in a dark alley came to his mind, slurping and choking. He shook his head, never.

He fiddled out his phone and opened the messenger. Looking at his contacts. He sipped at his coffee and cursed as he burned his tongue.

_I need to see you._ (That's sounds to desperate) _I am short on money._ (He would definitely say no, think Gavin!).

_We're gonna meet or what?_ (Sent.)

Nervously he waited. In the distance he could hear paper rustling, printers working and a movie about sex education.

Gavin already regretted writing him and downed his coffee in a few gulps. Another 50 cent fell into the machine. The low hum started again.

Then his phone beeped.

_12:33, behind the basketballcourt. Don't be late._

Fuck, that was in 2 minutes.

Gavin ripped out the half filled cup of coffee and spilled some over his hands. He cursed and ran to the court.

“You're late.”

Gavin eyed his watch.   
“Two fucking minutes. You sound like a stockbroker, Elijah.” he huffed, still a bit out of breath.

“I don't have a lot of time. I have to prepare for my exam tomorrow.”

Gavin shrugged. Took a sip of his coffee. This time the pain felt good, it distracted him from the judging eyes of the boy in front of him.

“What do you want?” he questioned and Gavin pulled out a cig.

“This will kill you one day.”

“I don't give a damn.”

He took a deep drag.

“I need some... money.” Gavin eventually said. “Lou is sick.”

The lie was quick and swift and Gavin mentally said sorry to his cat for using her as an excuse.

The boy in front of him eyed him suspiciously. His uncombed hair, the sweat on his forehead, the still slightly blown pupils. In one hand the cup of coffee and in the other one a cigarette.

“Okay.” he said.

There was no way Elijah believed him. But Gavin didn't care, he just needed money for his shit. This would just be another cold conversation, where two semi-adult people just won't say what they feel. Another stab into the almost ripping bond, which was once their strong friendship.

“How much?”

“I don't know-” Gavin took a particularly long drag, thinking, killing time. “-300.”

“300? For the examination?”

“Yeah. The examination is like 50 bucks and the medicine and this shit, I guess like 250.”

He was lying straight into his face, without any shame. He really hit rock bottom.

The boy opened his bag and Gavin could catch a glimpse of what it means to be the love child of two rich humans. He took out six banknotes.

Gavin counted them, just to be sure.

“Thanks.” he mumbled.

“Sure, just keep me updated on Lou.”

Gavin stomped out his cigarette and threw his empty cup in a trashcan.

“Of course.”

But Elijah was already gone.

Gavin checked the parking lot, but Leos motorcycle wasn't there anymore. He cursed under his breath and checked the time. 12.46.

He had to settle on another cup of coffee, Leo wouldn't come back before tomorrow.

_So, back to class._

“Hey Reed!”

Surely he didn't expected to meet anyone on his way back across the court, but there was a bright grin and a waving hand that greeted him.

_Markus._

The tall and tanned boy only wore his basketball shorts and shoes. His shirt was crumbled up into a pile next to the bench. Of course. Making sure everybody could catch a nice glimpse of his abs, when they passed.

“Do you come to the party at my house tonight?”

Actually, he wasn't so bad.

“Did you invite Leo too?”

He nodded.

To be honest he kinda liked him, nobody passed the court at this time anyway. So maybe he was just a little to hot.

“Yeah sure.”

“It's gonna be like a chill party.” he said and tapped one time with the basketball.

Then gave him the white smile that made him the header of the school homepage.

“Just bring some- Ah – Nah forget it. You just have to be in a good mood.” Markus added and threw the ball. Hit.

Gavin like that about him. He was silent. He didn't said things or asked weird questions.


	2. The cat is a smart-ass

As soon as he stepped through the door, he realized, why he hated parties so much. Loud obnoxious people, gulping down cheap alcohol and dancing and pushing their sweaty bodies against him, as he tried to make his way to the other end of the room.

Well, he won't stay here for long. Just finding Leo in this big crowd could become a problem. His eyes scanned the crowd and he wondered how many of the students would get black out wasted tonight and if he was gonna be one of them.

“Fuck me.” he grunted, when he bumped against a girl. She looked at him, kinda grossed out and went on dancing.

He felt droplets of sweat running down his back, his eyes tried to adjust to the low lighting.

_Wait. This was Leo!_

Alarmed but determined Gavin aggressively made his way through the crowd. Some people shoved him back, others told him to fuck off, a few didn't even notice.

“Leo!” he shouted over the music.

But he didn't turn around. Behind him was some shouting, a drunken fight, he figured, but didn't really care.

And then there was a shove in his back and he crashed, a second time today, against a tall body.

_His body. This is close._

Behind him the voices got louder. The mass started to move. And he was practically pressed against the other man. He breathed out loudly and sank his fingers into the flannel.

“They are fighting.” said Niles and Gavin wanted to end is life, because it couldn't possibly arouse him to feel somebody this close.

“There is blood.”

“Are there no fights in fucking Stras-” Gavin snapped.

Some shouting and again he was grinding against Niles body, he couldn't find his footing and clanged on to him.

God, he was sure, he- he felt his dick against his abdomen. His ears were burning. And the contents of Niles drink were spilled on his shirt.

Fear started to boil up in him. There were to many people, he was going to faint. Gavin started shivering terribly and Niles wrapped his arm around him.

“Do not fear, I will save you.” he said aloud and Gavin wanted to protest when he felt his feet lifting from the ground.

His other arm snaked around his lower back and brushed against his ass.

_What a fucking Pervert._

He wiggled and tried to get free but apparently Niles was pretty strong, even if it didn't look like that. The friction against his dick isn't helping. Gavin's fingers grasped against Niles neck and he pushed his face into his flannel. Hoping nobody would recognize him, as the french exchange student MANHANDLED him out of this party mess. But he couldn't overhear some whistling as they passed the people.

Finally the cold night air hit his moist skin and Gavin could breath again.

“Let go off me, you pervert!” he grunted and Niles did as he was told.

With a loud bump sound Gavin's body met the floor.

“Are you insane?!” he howled and rubbed his throbbing back.

“You told me to let you go.”

Again Niles held out his hand and this time Gavin accepted it. There was that feeling again when their hands touched. Gavin couldn't describe it. He noticed that Niles looked him in the eyes and for a second he didn't think about anything.

“You look like a nerd.” he huffed, breaking the eye contact that made him feel so vulnerable.

Niles had his brown hair combed neatly back, his flannel was buttoned up completely and he wore some weird expensive dress pants and shimmering shoes.

“This is a college party. No science covention.”

Niles suddenly seemed unsure.

“Do you think the others don't like me?”

There was a certain sadness in his voice, that made Gavin's heart drop.

“Eh-”.

For once Gavin bit his lip and held back a mean comment.

“Your hair. Make it a bit more messy.”

Niles did as he was told. Ruffed it a bit with his hand.

“And your shirt.”

“My shirt? Whats wrong with that?”

Instead of answering Gavin tiptoed and carefully opened the first two buttons of Niles shirt. For a moment his fingers lingered at the collar. It smelled like Niles again. The whole air was suddenly intoxicated, how didn't he notice that sooner? Niles eyes seized him up, he stopped at the tiny scar above his lip. He could just pull him down and-

There was a loud crash and a body bashed through the closed door.

“Leo!” screamed Gavin and ran to the boy on the floor.

He trashed his arms around, drunk and angry.

“Leo stop, you are hurting yourself!”

Gavin tried to get a hold of his arms before he rammed the glass shards into them. There was blood in his face. He didn't know if it was his own or from the opponent, maybe both.

“Fucking leave my girl alone, you bastard!” screamed a unknown boy.

Gavin was sure he was at least two years older than Leo. His nose was bleeding forcefully, a girl tried to press a shirt on it but he wouldn't let her.

“I swear if you touch her one more time-”

Leo propped himself up on his elbows and spat in his direction, it was bloody and stuck to his chin.

“Fuck you!”

The guy looked like he wanted to punch him again, but there were some other guys who grabbed his arms and pulled him away. The girl gave Leo a wink and this bastard winked back and now it was Gavin who wanted to punch him.

“You idiot!”

He gave him a hard slap on the back of his head.

Markus apperared next to them, looking rather distressed at the broken door and then to Leo who lied in the glass.

“You two have to go.” he said, serious.

“But Markus-” Leo started.

He ignored him and looked at Gavin.

“Get him to the ER, he has some nasty cuts and he is way to wasted to go on his own.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure...”

“Don't worry about the door-”

Gavin turned around and spotted Niles.

He was talking to Tina, a rather unpopular and shy girl. She was laughing, and plugged something from his flannel. He tried to make out what they were talking about. Again Niles held up his hand and did this weird gesture and Tina responded with the same one. God, they looked so weird together. He felt anger boiling up in him. Freaks.

“-vin, Gavin? Are you high?”

Gavin turned to Markus again.

“W-What? No. I'm sober.” he said.

“Trust me, I will get him to the ER.”

Markus helped him to get Leo in a taxi and Gavin just couldn't stop thinking about how freaky Niles is.

_What a weirdo._

Now he sat here in the ER with Leo, he was quite sober again, a lot of stitching and gluing was done to serve his cuts and he was probably super high on pain killers. He slumped against Gavin's shoulder. Gavin almost dropped his cup of cheap hospital coffee, a nurse gave it to him when he was almost falling asleep in the waiting room.

“I should thank you-” he slurred.

“You don't have to, Leo.”

_I didn't have a choice. Markus practically begged me to help him._

“No, no. Let me thank you-” he grabbed his sleeve and looked him deep in the eye.

There was this weird tension in the air. The only sound in the background was the slow but steady humming of the soft drink machine. Gavin chuckled nervously.

“I got something nice in my pocket.”

Leo had some _problems_ but managed to fetch out a small baggy of white powder. Gavin's eyes grew wider.

“Free speed?” Gavin questioned, his fingers started to tingle.

“Nah. It's better. That's the potent stuff.”

Leo waved the plastic bag in front of his face and Gavin grabbed it before the nurse could notice it.

“Watch out, dickhead. You can't just flash drugs in a hospital.”

Leo laughed. He was definitely high. Then he leaned forward again. This time Gavin had to listen carefully, because his voice was so low.

“It's heroin.”

Gavin felt a rush of panic and pushed the baggy against his chest.

“Fuck that shit, Leo. I only inhale speed and smoke weed. You know that.”

Leo grinned, nasty.

“Man, calm down. It's only a tiny little bit-” he exhaled again loudly and pushed the baggy in the pocket of Gavin's jacket. Gave it a soft slap.

“You don't have to take it now. Or ever. Just keep it. Like a treasure. A white magic treasure.”

Leo didn't seemed to back off and Gavin figure he genuinely wanted to thank him with the shit. So he decided to keep it and throw it in the next thrash can he would see.

Gavin unlocked the door to his single-room-apartment, he was greeted by the soft humming of his fridge and low voices. They were coming from the radio, it was some kind of late night – early morning talk show about the economy system. He shut it off and sighed, he felt like hammered shit, immediately there was a soft brush against his legs and he bend down to lift Lou up on the counter. He carefully placed her between the dirty dishes and scratched her favorite spot behind the left ear. She started purring and closed her eyes.

“Hello girl.” Gavin whispered and admired Lou's fur in the weak 13-watt light.

“Today was shit.” he stopped petting her for a moment, cringing when he thought about all the events that occurred today.   
She opened her eyes again, blinked, and he thought she understood. Then she pushed her tiny little head into his palm, demanding more attention.

The first streaks of sunlight broke through his window, there were already some birds chirping and he let go of Lou. Carefully he tiptoed to get to the upper cupboard and tried to fetch the last clean glass.

God damn, why was he so small? He grunted, grabbed the corner of the counter. If he would be as tall as Niles- _Stop._

This weirdo has no right to be in his head right now.

Finally he grasped the glass, it fell on the side and rolled out of the cupboard, he barely managed to catch it before it shattered on the ground.

He filled it with tap water and greedily downed it in a few gulps. He felt a bit better now. But still, the smell of hospital and alcohol (and forest) still clang to his clothes.

Gavin pulled the shirt over his head, threw it carelessly on a growing pile of dirty clothes and crashed down on his sofa (there was no bed). He shivered, it was cold in his flat.

His telephone was vibrating, constant, someone was calling. He didn't care, just wanted to fall in a deep slumber.

His voice mail answered.

“ _I bet you are again to fucked out to answer your phone. I just called because I wanted to tell you that I found someone to help raise you chemistry grades. He will come tomorrow-”_

Gavin was already snoring loudly. Only Lou could listen to the whole message, but she just jumped on Gavin's belly and curled herself up into a ball.

A loud knock made him jump to an upright position. Gavin needed a second to order his thoughts, Lou looked at him. Sitting on the arm rest, eyes wide open.

“Stop it you, smart ass. You'll get your breakfast.” he grunted and tried to figure out the origin from the sound.

His flat looked particularly worse in the day light. Dishes piled themselves up to high towers, on and next to the counter. There were take-out boxes next to the sofa and he carefully took a big step over them.

Lost his balance and stepped into a half eaten falafel burger. Sauce splashed against his leg and soaked his sock.

“Shit-” he grunted and continued to move on one leg, steadying himself on the counter. Lou started to push herself against his standing leg and Gavin nearly lost balance again.

Then there was another knock. It came from the door.

 _Nobody_ would visit him here, hell, almost nobody knew where he even lived. This place was a shit hole.

Another knock, louder.

“Coming.” he gritted between his teeth and fetched a piece of lettuce from the soaked sock.

“Good morning Gavin.”

Gavin's knuckles were white as he gripped the door frame even harder.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

He didn't knew if he was saying this to Niles or himself or the universe (which apparently tried to force him to commit some kind of suicide).

Niles didn't seem impressed.

“I brought breakfast. Bagels with vegan cream cheese.” he held up a brown bag.

Gavin wanted to close the door again.

“And coffee.” he added, barely needing any force to stop the door, just placing his foot in the space in between.

“I am here for some private chemistry lessons.”

Gavin pulled at the door knob again, it didn't move, not one bit. Gavin gave up.

“Come in, but quickly, I don't want my cat to run away.” he grunted and let the nerd into his apartment.

When he noticed the surprised look in Niles eyes, he immediately regretted it.

“What? Not what you expected?”

“It's... not too bad. No guns or corpses. Nothing serial killer like.” he tried to joke, but couldn't hide the shock in his voice.

Niles gaze swept over the discarded Take-Out-Boxes, to his sock and stopped on Gavin's torso. Gavin realized he still had no shirt on. There was heat rushing to his cheeks and he tried to cover his belly.

“Sit down.” he commanded sharply and turned around, so Niles couldn't see his red tinted face.

Quickly he searched a more-or-less fresh smelling shirt and put it on.

Niles didn't fit into the interior of his dirty apartment. He looked too clean, his hair freshly cut and combed, expensive designer clothing, Gavin remembered overhearing a conversation in class that his mother was a famous fashion designer in Strasbourg. He wondered if he wore the clothes she made.

“Elijah told me those are your favorites.” Niles said and held a bagel in his hands.

_Of course, Elijah. He was the only one who knew where he lived. He is going to rip his fucking head off._

“I am not hungry.”

“Take one.” Niles insisted. “You look like you haven't eaten in days.”

Well - he was right. When was the last time he really ate something? Regularly he made it through three days with a strict diet of coffee and adderall. But this week was stressful, it had to be at least four or five days since his last _real_ meal.

Defeated he sat down next to Niles, keeping a respectful distance and fetched the bagel. He took a bite, hungrily another, and another.

Niles watched him silently as he feasted on the bagel, he took another one out of the bag.

“Isn't this one yours?” he mumbled, his mouth full of food.

“Nah, you can have it. Come on.”

Gavin didn't realized how hungry and food deprived he actually was, until he was finished with the second bagel. He looked at Niles as he took a sip from his coffee, there was a unknown feeling pooling in his belly. He hoped the bagels won't make him vomit.

“So... Chemistry.”

Niles pushed up his glasses and started to take of his jacket.

He wore a shirt with a space ship that said _U.S.S. Enterprise_ and pulled out the chemistry book.

“Yesterday we were talking about turning Aspirin into Tylenol-”.

The hour went by pretty fast and Gavin really tried to listen, because he felt bad that Niles bought him bagels and he didn't want him to sit in this dirty flat any more time than needed. But as he looked at the side profile of his face there was one question burning on his tongue.

“Come closer, look at this diagram.” he commanded and Gavin hesitated.

When he finally moved closer, Niles did the same and his thigh met Niles hand. A shudder traveled through his whole body and he laughed awkwardly. The boy next to him, didn't really seem to notice. Gavin felt weird. Hopefully he won't get sick. He wouldn't have enough money for the medication.

“It shows the relative concentration, so, you would have to add it in really slowly to make sure you won't overstep the 250 milliliter mark.” he explained and Gavin had problems actually understanding his words. He felt hot and cold at the same time.

“Are you okay?”

Niles turned his head to him and Gavin almost lit on fire, when his thumb started to brush against Gavin's thigh. He slid a few centimeters away.

“I-” _feel sick._ “-feel okay. Just-”

Niles leaned his head to the side and watched him curiously.

“Why do you help me?” he bursts out and refused to look the boy in the eyes.

“I-”

He was playing with a corner of the book page.

“Because of the money. Elijah offered me a few bucks to help you.”

_Of course._

“Okay.” said Gavin.

He wished he could scrape his insides from the remnant of the bagel.

“Then... Lets continue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot is groooowing!!! ;)


	3. Bad influence

Gavin didn't come to the next chemistry lesson. Neither the ones after that. One week passed by. He spent most of his free time on the basketball court. Watching Markus throw a few balls and smoking approximately half a package of cigarettes per day. Why? For some reason he just couldn't deal with Niles stupid face right now.

_He just did it for the money._ Gavin felt stupid, becoming emotional just because he bought him fucking bagels.

He took a particularly deep drag from his cigarette and coughed. Markus noticed that but didn't say anything. He just continued to play. Gavin also noticed that he grew fond of Markus closeness, they never talked, just enjoyed each others company.

That mostly happened when Markus needed to get a clean head and play some basketball (the teachers always let that pass, even encouraged him to practice at any time), and when Gavin skipped class because – because he wanted to. Still, this was a secret. Gavin knew it would be bad for Markus reputation, if someone would see him with the drug addict.

Markus was perfect or so everybody thought. He would go to a sport university, already winning competition after competition. He would get rich and be a famous basketballplayer some day.

But Gavin felt superior because he knew better. He started to realize that sometimes, when Markus jumped high to throw a basket, he landed and had a pained expression in his face. Or on particular bad days kicked the ball from the court, screaming and thrashing his fists in the air.

He didn't mention it though, respecting the distance.

The basketball tapped a few times on the ground, before it started to roll towards Gavin and eventually came to a stop. Markus sat down next to him. He was breathing heavy, staring at an unknown point in the distance.

It was that time of the day again.

Without communicating Gavin opened his backpack and pulled out a spare hoodie. He gave it to Markus, the boy pulled it over his head before accepting the cigarette Gavin held in his hand. He then proceeded to light it, but the wind was too strong, so Gavin held his hands in front of Markus face. It lit up. The basketballplayer took a deep drag. Refusing to look at Gavin.

He relaxed, no, he crashed. His broad shoulders falling forward. He looked like a small boy, Gavin thought as he observed him.

They stayed like that. Markus smoking and Gavin watching Markus smoke.

“Break is over.” huffed the boy and carefully extinguished the butt on the bench.

Gavin crashed his cigarette under the sole of his foot and threw the remnants of the coffee behind some dirty bushes.

Then he accepted his hoodie again. It smelled like Markus and smoke. He almost grinned, thinking about how his sponsors and mothers would react if they knew about that. The hoodie, Gavin carefully pushed again in his backpack.

“You go first.” Gavin mumbled.

Markus nodded. Standing and looking for any witnesses but they were still alone. Good. But before he left he turned around again.  
“Thanks for... Being here.”

Gavin nodded and flashed a small smile. Markus did so too.

The corridors were empty again, Gavin waited until the next lesson started, he didn't feel like seeing _people_ yet. There was a certain feeling in his chest he couldn't name. Slowly walking and debating if he should go to his English lessons.

He stilled. Voices. They were coming from around the next corner.

It was a female one.

“You did very well today, like, I wouldn't have known that adding the solution too quickly was my fault.” said Tina in a smooth tone.

Gavin rolled his eyes. _Oh how he hated her._

“Ah, it's nothing. Something my private tutor in Strasbourg teached me. He was quite strict but I learned fast. Sometimes when I am working on an experiment I still hear his advice in my head.”

 _Niles was there too_.

Gavin's teeth were suddenly grinding on each other. Slowly taking a step forward to be able to see them interact. Niles limbs were awkwardly gangling at his sides.

“You should give me some private tutoring.” chuckled Tina and looked up to Niles, biting her lower lip.

Gavin felt sick because of her non-existing flirting skills.

 _Niles couldn't possibly fall for that._ There was silence for a moment.

“Sure, why not. I always enjoy to help people out.”

_Yes_ , indeed he wanted to vomit now. But the closest toilet was behind Niles and Tina. He had to stay here, pressing his forehead against the cool walls of the school.

“Actually I helped Gavin a few days ago.”

He straightened his back, hearing his name from Niles tongue felt so... odd. Gavin just went from feeling angry and sick to weird.

“I didn't see him today.” said Tina “Is he sick?”

Her voice dripping with fake concern.

“Me neither, I don't know. Sometimes Gavin... he just disappears, I guess it's his way of living. He isn't as mean as he pretends to be. He is actually quite shy.”

There was a feeling of warmth pooling in his belly.

“Niles.” Tina practically purred and he could saw her hand sneaking up to Niles chest. This bitch touched him. He wanted to rip her hands off.

“I like you, so I am going to tell you something. Gavin is bad news, he is loud and obnoxious and he is a drug addict. I mean, he is even high in school, everybody knows it. You shouldn't play the hero and pull him out of his misery. It won't work.”

There was it again. Gavin was filled with white familiar glowing anger. Niles was thinking. He bit his bottom lip and hesitated for a moment.

“You are right-” said Niles and that was enough to make Gavin's nerves go _boom_.

He would punch him. He would punch his stupid perfect face until his nose was broken and bleeding and he would punch him some more, so his eye would be black and swollen for a few days.

He raced towards the pair. Surprised they both looked at him. Tina looked... oddly satisfied.

Gavin's fist were curled, nails digging into his own palm and hurting so good. But when his burning gaze met Niles, he realized he couldn't punch the asshole.

Instead he pushed him aside, growling aggressively and passed them. Not wanting them to see the tears of anger that formed in his eyes.

“Gavin, wait!” Niles tried to stop him but he didn't listen.

He crashed down on the toilet seat. Pulling his legs up to his chest and biting his fist. Suppressing a loud scream, that almost slipped out of him. He would't give him the satisfaction of hearing him scream.

Everything in front of his eyes was turning to shapes, formless, changing, some were blue, others white but the dominating color was red. Glowing red.

He had an attack. His whole body was shaking until every move hurt so fucking much. He felt himself disconnected from the world around him.   
Scared he tried to find anything real.

But even his hands turned into pink squares, he jumped from the toilet seat and grabbed the big white square, he usually snorted speed off, it felt cold against his burning hand.

He was raging, his heartbeat went rapidly and he blindly kicked in the door and swang the flushbox top into the first breakable object he saw. Now he couldn't hold back a scream.

There was a loud crashing sound and the mirror divided into hundreds of tiny fluid forms, splashing down to the ground. The square in his hands he threw on the ground. It crashed too. Leaving tiny little droplets of blood on his hands and face.

The pain kissed his soul. And the vibrating shapes slowly stilled and turned back into the real world.

Then he heard it. The low sound of someone hammering against the bathroom door. Slowly getting louder and louder until it was a terrible sound in his head.

He opened the door. Niles stared at him. Wide-eyed. Silent. In shock.

“Fuck off.” Gavin snarled.

Niles opened his mouth to say something but there was no sound coming out of it. Tina stood in a safe distance, watching them, her expression was concerned.

Gavin passed by Niles and walked away as the shapes continued to turn back into the inside of the school.

_Come to my flat tonight. There is a private party._

His phone beeped and he looked at the flashing message. Decided to delete it. He had curled up behind one of the benches of the basketball court. This time, he was alone.

Another message.

_People told me you weren't in class all day. I know what happened in the bathroom._

Gavin felt weak, he couldn't argue now, pretend to be strong. His whole body felt like hammered shit.

 _Fuck of Kamski._ He pressed sent.

A few minutes passed, Gavin felt the last remnants of Adrenalin and Noradrenalin flush away. All that was left was an uncomfortable emptiness.

_I got some Molly. Come and you can get wasted. 21:30._

Gavin didn't know what he should wear to this _private party_ of Elijah. It sounded exclusive enough for Gavin to fear he would stand out in the crowd.

His legs dressed in some cheap slacks (at least there were no stains) and a dark brown pullover, he barely remembered buying. He took the bus to get to Elijah's apartment, it was far away from his own, in a richer part of Detroit. That meant bright street lights, a security guard who asked for his ID at the entrance and a working elevator. Everything screamed at him: You don't belong here.

Elijah opened the door. He wore a silky black turtleneck and expensive leather shoes.  
“You came.” he said, not a hint of surprise in his voice. “Come in.”

Gavin nodded and felt a small baggy pressed into his palm, when he passed Elijah.

“Enjoy yourself.”

It was a brief conversation without any pressure.

Elijah closed the door behind him and went back to a small group of students, who Gavin didn't know.

It really was a private party. There were some familiar faces, but they barely acknowledged Gavin's presence. He was happy about that, didn't feel like talking to people.

He allowed himself to relax a bit. It smelled nice, like freshly chopped wood and peppermint and Kamski. There was some classic lofi music in the background and he briefly wondered if this was Elijah's playlist. He normally only listened to classic artists like Chopin and Tschaikowski.

Gavin looked at the Ecstasy in his hand. One was shaped like a pair of blue cherries, the other one was a red Tesla. They looked like high quality shit. He quickly checked the internet, only to get a confirmation. Not a lot of shit added, no PMA. Both around solid 160 mg. Of course he wouldn't give him stronger shit.

Gavin swallowed the red Tesla and settled down on a big leather couch. Closing his eyes and waiting for the rush. Minutes passed by.

It was like a wave. Strong and heavy, for a moment he forgot to breath. Had to remind himself to do it in order to survive.

The MDMA immediately released endorphins in his brain. Making him lick his own lips and smile stupidly. Elijah looked at him, making sure he was alright.

Elijah was good. He was so nice and Gavin decided to thank him later. Actually, why shouldn't he do it right now?

He got up and moved through the barely crowded space.

Somebody grabbed his shoulder softly.

“Gavin!” said Markus and he looked at him.

_Was his face glowing?_

“What are you doing here?” he casually asked.

“I wanted to thank Elijah.” Gavin mumbled. “For everything.”

His eyes hurt a bit, he imagined how they had to look for Markus, his iris barely visible.

“Are you high?”

Gavin grabbed the collar of Markus grey button-up. The basketballplayer nervously looked around, but nobody seemed to notice the weird pair.

“Of course.” Gavin whispered and smiled again.

“Are you happy?

“Very.”

Markus pulled him a bit to the side. Where his hands touched him there was a pleasant warmth.

“Do you have... more?”

Gavin chuckled.

“Our big poster boy wants to try some?” he asked, his eyes brows lifted and he was starring at him intensely.

“Is it safe?”

“As safe as it can get when you swallow some pills.”

Gavin laughed about his own joke. Then pulled out the baggy. Markus hesitated for a moment, then nodded, giving him consent.

“You'll get the cherries, but only one cherry, because it's your first. Get yourself a glass of water.” explained Gavin and carefully divided the remaining pill into two. His fingers were shaking but it wasn't too bad.

Markus stood in front of him again, in his hand a filled glass.

“Keep it between your teeth, careful not to let it touch your tongue and swallow it with water.”

Gavin pointed to the small gap between his teeth and Markus nodded again.

It felt unreal when he actually did what he was told. Now he didn't look like a role model anymore, the pill between his teeth, swallowing big gulps of water.

“Let's sit down there!” exclaimed Gavin a bit too loudly and pulled Markus to a big black bean bag.

A few minutes later and Markus pupils were blown so wide that Gavin couldn't make out the different colors of his eyes anymore.

They were sitting so close hands brushing against arms and thighs, but none of them cared. They laughed and Markus told him about that one time when he fell into a duck pond, smiling brightly and confident.

“How do you feel?” Gavin leaned a bit closer, feeling warmth radiating from Markus body.

“Great... Like I am floating in... gold.”

His hand laid down on Gavin's cheek and the thumb made his way to the scar above his upper lip. Gavin almost purred and leaned into his touch like Lou always did.

“Does it feel good when I touch you?”  
Gavin nodded quickly.

“Keep going.” he commanded and let himself enjoy being touched for this small period of time.

For once there was no distaste in him.

His gaze drifted from Markus face to the darker space behind him and he felt his whole body shudder as he noticed _him_.

Niles looked at them, carrying a small beverage in his hand. No, he looked at Gavin. In particular his lips, that started to open so slightly to let out puffs of too hot air.

“Touch me more, please.” he begged softly without stopping to look at Niles.

He swallowed heavily. Gavin watched his adams apple move, so slowly.

Markus listened. His touch getting more experienced, more determined, more sexual. Gavin almost choked on his own spit, when he felt skin to skin contact, as Markus hand creeped under his pullover. Traveled up to his chest, searching for some kind of boob but then settling on circling his nipple.

Gavin bit his lower lip, pulled on it. Grabbed the hand of Markus and demanded him to go harder, without actually looking at him.

His attention was drawn to the boy.

The glass in Niles hand started to shake furiously, their gazes met and Gavin was suddenly so fucking aroused. Niles seemed to have trouble breathing as Gavin leaned forward to suck on Markus earlobe. And he fucking moaned at the same time as Markus did.

Markus grinded his erection against Gavin's thigh, getting faster and harder.

He finally came in his pants when Gavin bit his earlobe, hard. Grunted in Gavin's ear, confused and satisfied.

 _Ah yes_ , and also started to vomit aggressively.

Someone pulled Gavin away, a guy gave Markus an empty champagne bucket to continue to spill his bowls in it.

Gavin found himself comfortably trapped in Elijah's arms. He was shaking.

Niles was gone.

“It wasn't my fault.” he whispered, watching Markus getting even paler and vomiting more.

He felt Elijah nod softly.

“Let's get you into my bed.” he grunted while lifting Gavin of the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gavin can't help but wonder: Was anything in his life even real?
> 
> (It got a lot hotter in here. :D)


	4. Runner's high

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey humans!
> 
> I actually had to add a rape/non-con tag because of the following chapter, so here is a triggerwarning. It won't get to explict but I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable. c:

His teeth were hurting _so_ bad. Gavin trashed around on the king sized Futon, his left leg was burning, he was sure he had hit it somewhere yesterday.

Yesterday, _Markus_.

He grunted and grabbed his pillow, hiding his face inside of it.

God, they were making out and... Did he really came in his pants?

Gavin just vaguely remembered the scene. It happened more than regularly that Elijah allowed him to take drugs on his parties, but it never escalated like that.

Despite his hangover something felt off today. Gavin slowly turned on his back.

The curtains were closed, there was only a small streak of light passing through. He let his hand lay, where it landed on the futon and enjoyed the warmth.

Not a lot has changed in Elijah's room since the last time he crashed here. It still was neat and clean, he changed the order of his books from color to alphabetic and his plants were slightly bigger. The covers smelled like bamboo and lavender, Gavin pulled them up until his nose was covered and took a deep breath.

Then he noticed _him_.

On the armchair, curled up into a ball. _Niles_.

He still wore his clothes of yesterday, a dark red cardigan with a shirt that spelled 'Voyager'. He appeared to be sleeping, snoring softly, his arms tightly wrapped around his own body. The glasses were almost slipping from his face and Gavin felt the urge to correct it, not wanting to let it destroy the picture.

The door opened slowly and Kamski entered the room. In his hands a silver serving tray, of course he owned one of those thing.

“You're awake early.” he said, in a low voice, either to not wake-up Niles or because he knew that Gavin's head was in serious pain.

Carefully he set the tray down next to his futon.

“I made you breakfast.”

“I feel sick.” Gavin mubled, his own voice way too loud.

“I know.” whispered Elijah and squatted down.

The boy helped him in a upright position. Gavin had to breath in deeply, he felt nauseous.

Elijah held a small caffeine cube in his hand and Gavin swallowed it. After that followed a vitamin complex and a glass of water with dissolved aspirin. He drank greedily.

“Why is he still here?” Gavin asked and watched Niles, who continued to sleep curled up like a baby.

“I should ask you.” Kamski said, his voice almost taunting.

Gavin shook his head in disgust when he swallowed the last solid parts of the aspirin.

“He told me he wanted to make sure that you are safe. I told him I would take care of you, as always, but he insisted on staying over.” he added.

That made Gavin's fingers curl around the cold glass, painfully hard.

“He seemed confused and irritated, after the _situation_ with Markus.”

When Elijah mentioned his name Gavin cheeks were burning again. He almost forgot about him.

“What happened?” he asked remorseful.

“Some guy took him home yesterday, to get clean again. His mothers would freak out if they knew about _that._ ”

Gavin didn't know if by _that_ he meant the ecstasy or making out with a drug dealer. Maybe both. Gavin bit his lower lip. Trying to focus but his mind was already wandering somewhere else.

“And Niles really _wanted_ to stay?”

Elijah let out a sigh and rolled his eyes.

“Luckily Markus didn't have to go to the ER because of _your_ ecstasy.”

He fetched the glass a bit to harshly out of Gavin's hand.

“And about Niles... Ask him.” Elijah hissed.

He looked at him with _those knowing eyes._ Every time he did that it would drive Gavin mad, because it seemed like he just knew more than Gavin himself.

“I washed and dried your clothes.” he said, while leaving the room and pointing on a small pile next to the bed before he closed the door.

Gavin pushed himself from the futon, his naked feet touched the wood. He shivered. Stood up and looked down on himself. He wore one of those satin kimonos, Elijah always used, when he was alone at home.

He had blacked out at some point and Kamski took of his clothes, put on this kimono.

He let the fluid material slip from his shoulders and shivered even more, there was some cold air coming from the window. His naked skin still felt too hot from the night before. He let the kimono fall to the floor and bent down to pick up his boxers, needing a few tries to get his legs into the holes. He almost fell backwards in that process. Finally he managed to pull them up and turned around to figure out where Elijah put his damned pants.

_This fucking pervert._

“Eh-!” Gavin screamed and took a few steps back, then he noticed a bulge in the boy's tight fitting dress pants.

Niles turned pale white and immediately lowered his eyes.

“Shower...” Niles quickly said and without waiting for an answer stormed out of the bedroom.

Gavin couldn't believe what just happened.

Apparently this was how his life was going to be from now on. Getting hit and perved on by people (and Niles, especially Niles).

_This sucked ass._

He felt a wave of shame when he noticed his own erection.

He was still feeling nauseous, but the pills Elijah gave him were keeping him on his feet. Draining his energy, but keeping his body painfully awake. He went to the toilet the 7th time today, vomiting a bit, starring at the dirty bathroom walls, gurgling with a bit of water and back to class.

Gavin just passed the chemistry rooms, when he noticed something odd.

Niles, he was carrying a box in his arms, it was filled to the rim with chemicals.

It wouldn't be weird at all, if Niles wouldn't look so suspicious.

Drops of sweat on his forehead, running down. His face pale, with some red spots from nervousness. He looked around and almost dropped the loot when he noticed Gavin starring at him.

“It's not what it looks like!” he said way too fast.

“I was cleaning- out the stuff Mr. Miller didn't need anymore.”

Gavin's lips curled up into a smile when he came closer. Niles was shaking.

“Put it down.” he commanded and Niles obeyed, placing the box carefully on the ground.

Gavin looked at the content. Mostly acids and elements, that they rarely used in chemistry.

“S-See? It's just trash.”

Niles eyes were nervously switching between looking at his own feet and Gavin's face.

And now Gavin realized what made this whole situation so odd.

“You are stealing this shit.” he realized in unbelief.

“No- … Please don't tell anyone.” he cringed. “I will put it back. It's just that I... I need the money.”

Gavin said nothing, being partly amused, partly confused.

“Please!” Niles begged, went around the box and came closer. Gavin took a few steps back.

“I can't afford being send back to Strasbourg.”

His voice sounded desperate and Gavin almost felt pity with the boy. And then there lit an idea in his head.

“I won't tell anybody, if you do me a favour.”

Gavin smiled, satisfied about his plan. Niles nodded immediately.

They could split the money. Evenly. Gavin could get eventually maybe even pay the rent for his apartment before the landlord actually throw him out next month.

Gavin absently licked his lips and once again let his eyes linger across the face of his partner in crime. They could be good. Nobody would suspect Niles for stealing things out of the school. This could even be a business.

“I guess you wouldn't want to do it...” he said mysteriously. Mischief glowing in his eyes.

Niles was thinking, a lot. Then he seemed to realize what Gavin was talking about.

“I can do it.”

Gavin opened his mouth slightly to tell him about the plan, but Niles suddenly pushed him up against the wall.

“Here goes nothing.” he mumled to himself and suddenly there was Niles.

Niles everywhere. The familiar smell of forest and chemicals.

And then he could taste _him_ , when Niles crashed his lips on Gavin's and he would have fainted, when the exchange student hadn't grabbed his arms, keeping him up against the wall.

Gavin let out a surprised sound. Instinctively shutting his eyes.

There was only Niles, filling the normally so occupied space in his head and the feeling of their lips moving against each other. Niles growled low and cupped Gavin's face to gain even more control. Gavin grabbed his hair, not to pull him away but to pull him even closer. He felt so fucking complete- and then Niles pulled away.

Still their noses were almost touching, he was breathing his hair. Inhaling his smell that would haunt his fucking dreams. His pupils were blown wide, there was hunger. Niles tried to kiss him again.

“F-Fuck off!” he said and pushed the boy away from him.

“I-I-I thought- that was what you wanted?” he asked.

Gavin almost felt sorry for Niles (if he wouldn't be so angry) because he sounded so confused and unsure.

“Are you crazy?” Gavin spit.

His heart still pumping rapidly. _Niles, Niles, Niles._ His body was screaming for more contact.

“You fucking assaulted me!”

That made Niles facial expression shift from confused to sad and then angry.

“Then you shouldn't give me such mixed signs! Yesterday you practically eye fucked me and in the morning you got off of me watching you undress!”

“Yes! Right! **YOU** watching **ME** undress. You are just such a fucking creep! Forget about this!”

Gavin turned around and ran away. Not caring about Niles answer, not caring about the feeling in his chest that told him to turn around and apologize.

He ran until his lungs and legs couldn't support him anymore. Crashed down on one of the benches in front of the mall.

Just then he felt the tears running down his cheeks. There was loud sobbing from his body and he curled up.

_He touched him._

Gavin hated it when people touched him. Normally he always managed to dodge such situations. And he was so close and he was grabbing his shoulders. It should have felt bad. He should feel disgusted. Why did it feel so good?

Confused and angry he sat there, crying silently.

He recalled the situation from yesterday, when Markus touched him. How it only felt good after he notice Niles standing there, watching them. Did he really give flashed mixed signs?

Gavin touched his lips again, Niles actually stole his first kiss.

_This fucking bastard._

He wanted, no, he needed to get him out of his system. Niles was becoming a real problem.

“Hey?”

A voice woke Gavin from his pathetic slumber. There was a shadow above him and he slowly opened his eyes. Looking at an unknown face.

“Are you feeling... well?”

Gavin swiped the back of his hand above his face and propped himself up.

“Yeah.” he lied.

The stranger held out his hand and Gavin took it hesitantly. He looked like he was in his late thirties, brown hair, styled slightly but not to clean. Gavin felt like he could be his dad.

“Cigarette?”

Gavin took a camel out of the strangers hand. He took that as an invitation to sit down. Gave Gavin his lighter, it was one of those you got in the army.

Smoking silently, not talking. He wasn't sure if he actually enjoyed his company. The man sat oddly close to him. But now he had to force himself to not break apart.

Then the stranger laid his hand down on Gavin's thigh. He freezed, unsure how to react. A bit of the ash felt on his own hand and quickly swiped it away.

“You need some money?” he asked as casually as possible.

Gavin looked at the strange man again.

“I-” he started. Bit his lower lip.

The strangers hand started to move his leg up higher. It was so different from Niles, rough from work. Determined and adult.

He squirmed under his touch when he grabbed it a bit harder. The he realized something, Niles was slowly being swept away by the strangers smell of tobacco and musk.

Gavin nodded, giving the strange man consent.

It actually hurt a lot when the stranger smashed him against the wall of the dark alley way, but he couldn't care less.

There was only one thought in his head. Get rid of Niles, who occupied so fucking much space in his head, with his fucking goofy glasses and smile and Startrek shirts.

He welcomed the strangers lips, greedily opening his mouth. Letting his tongue lick out all the remnants of _him_.

But it wasn't enough. There he was again, Gavin imagined Niles instead of the middle aged man. Touching him, groping in such private places, rubbing his knee between his legs in experienced hard strokes.

“Hit me.” Gavin practically mewled. Not really thinking about what his words meant.

The stranger hesitated. Stopped to grope him for a moment.

“Come on, I won't break.” he grunted, looking at him with big begging puppy eyes.

Then there was a burning pain in his cheek. His face flew to the side. The mans lips pressed against his ear.

“You're a whore.” he whispered and Gavin shivered.

_Yes_ , he almost said, but his lips were shaking to much to actually form sounds.

There were tears forming in his eyes, triggered by the force of the next blow. It was harder than the first one, but Gavin moaned, because there was just pain in his mind, pain that triggered adrenaline and made him feel so fucking high.

“Is that all you got?” he managed to say between his heavy breathing.

The man growled, in a manner that made Gavin feel _needed, wanted, desired._

Another hit and suddenly there was euphoria in his brain. He couldn't describe why there was a sudden rush of endorphins in his system but there was a desire awoken in him. He tasted copper. Something dripped down his chin.

The stranger opened his pants and breathed out in relief, he grabbed Gavin's wrist and pushed his hand to the hard dick.

The man wrapped his fingers around the students neck and started to apply pressure, Gavin felt a his body vibrate with pleasure and moved his hand.

It was _big_. He actually had to use both of his hands to stimulate the whole thing. It was pulsating.

The man kissed him again, biting his lips and making Gavin almost melt under his hands. Pain pumped violently through his body and he had to stop moving for a moment, because it was so overwhelming.

The older man grunted impatiently and pushed Gavin on his knees. Furiously rubbing his own cock, his pupils blown wide.

This was actually the first time he saw a dick up so close, Gavin realized.

The stranger rubbed the tip of his cock against Gavin's cheek, he felt it getting wet, smelled sweat and more musk and blood.

More rapid strokes. A hand in Gavin's hair, pulling hard. He was close to coming. Then Gavin sticked out his tongue to lap a bit of the blood.

“Fuck.” grunted the man then and watched Gavin's movements.

Stripes of cum, covering his cheek, lips and tongue.

The tip of the strangers combat boot pressed forcefully against his crotch and Gavin didn't realized how turned on he was, until he came just then in his pants. Violently shaking three times, pressing his hands on his mouth, so he wouldn't moan so loudly.

The man grabbed his chin again. Satisfied, watching what he had done to him. Gavin's face was still burning red from the blows, he still tasted blood, under the predominantly salty taste of the strangers cum.

“Good boy.” he whispered, his thumb, scooping up a bit of his own cum and spreading it on Gavin's bleeding underlip. He licked it away.

The stranger fetched out his purse and gave Gavin a fucking 200 dollar bill. Gavin's eyes lit up, he held the bill in his hands, not exactly knowing what to do.

“You should go the doctor. Get your lip checked. Go to Dr. Chad, his office is right down the street. And tell him Allen told you to go to him, you'll get free service.”.

Gavin pulled himself up on the brickwall. His knees were black from the dirt, some red blood dripped from his mouth on his shirt and he almost fainted. Needed a few seconds to steady himself. The stranger, _Allen_ , was gone. Gavin realized he didn't even ask for his name.

Dr. Chad stilled the bleeding and glued his lip together.

He didn't even ask how it exactly happened, after Gavin told him that Allen had send him there. After checking on the bruises on his knees and around his neck, the doctor gave him some fancy pain killers, he was keeping locked up in a metal cabin.

“Do you still visit highschool?” he asked as casual as possible.

But Gavin felt weird and uncomfortable under his gaze. He seemed a bit concerned.

“Yeah.” he said. Dr. Chad just barely managed to suppress a groan. “But I won't tell anybody.” added Gavin. “I promise.”

The doctor nodded, he seemed tense as he held his hand out to say goodbye to Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Gavin, he pretends to be strong and ice-cold but is actually such a smol bean. D:


	5. Unethical use of shower gel

Gavin kept wandering around through the streets of Detroit, despite the rain, they were filled by people. People going to work, people selling magazines, people in short outfits searching for clients. Gavin was none of them though (the 200 dollar burned in his pocket), he had no goal, no appointment to attend to, there were classes, but he decided to fuck those at this point.

He still couldn't quite believe what had just happened with the man. But the outcome was painfully real. Some people looked at him, concerned or disgusted or a mixture of both, when they saw the bruises and his bloody lip.

There was a paranoia, that crept up his spine. They could smell it on him, they could smell that he liked the pain – no – he loved it. That he was a slut for everybody who waved a few dollar bills in front of his face.

The rain dripped down his forehead and face, drained his hair and cleaned it from the gluey remnants of cum. He felt his clothes cling to his frame. Shivered in the heated mass of people. They we're just passing by, judging, but not really... existing. Nothing was real, he still felt dirty though. He had to take at least one shower. Use that expensive shower gel Kamski gave him to his last birthday.

The streets filled even more, occasionally people hit his shoulder, making him stumble, he stepped in a dirty puddle. Water splashed up the leg of his pants. It felt ice cold.

He had to absently dodge a few umbrellas and elbows. “Get out of the way!” “I need to get to work.” “Fucking schoolskipper.” “ _Masochistic whore_.”

Gavin stopped. What? He turned around and tried to locate the person, who said that, but there was no one to be seen. Just an old lady, that grabbed her purse a bit tighter when she noticed Gavin's look. Maybe he had just imagined it. Too many drugs to function properly.

Then there was a shadow above his head, the rain stopped bombing heavy droplets on his hair and he looked up. Noticed a dark brown coat that was kept in place by two big hands.

“Gavin, you will get sick if you don't stop running around.” said Niles and Gavin nearly started crying just then.

Doing what he did with the man and now seeing _him_ , made him feel even more like a slut.

“Come on.” he commanded. “We will get you inside.”

Niles pulled the coat over his own head too and started to move through the crowd.

Now they were painfully close. Niles grabbed his wrists, softly, afraid that Gavin would run away if he let go.

And Gavin felt even more dirty because he wanted Niles to grab it harder.

Niles opened the door to his apartment. It was bigger then Gavin's own but not as fancy as Kamski's.

Gavin sucked in all the small details that said something about Niles. There wasn't a lot, mostly standard furniture. A white couch, a smartscreen, the PS4 in front of it.

The thing that drew most attention was a big spaceship model on the couch table. And by big he meant XL, _giant_. There was a small sign attached to it 'U.S.S. Enterprise', he had seen that somewhere before.

“Go take a shower to warm yourself up, towel's in the first drawer.” said Niles and gestured to a door that lead to the bathroom. “I will make some tea.”.

Gavin nodded.

The hot water felt relieving on Gavin's shoulders, he turned it up. Breathing in the misty air and relaxing a bit. For the first time today he let his guard down, checked his bruises, they were still pretty bad and present. Still, Niles didn't commented on them. Did he knew what they meant? Did he knew what Gavin would do for 200 dollar?

Gavin squeezed out some of the shower gel and immediately regretted it. It smelled like Niles, he was trying to get him out of his system so badly.

_But..._

He could use it. No problem. It wasn't like this was a part of Niles body.

Gavin cleaned his hair carefully, his face followed, it felt relieving to wash of all of the sweat and blood. His hands slid down his chest, accidentally brushing his nipples.

Niles did that too. With his fingers. He brushed his nipples. With _this_ gel. Gavin had on _his_ hands.

He stopped and took another deep whiff. This was bad. This was really, really bad. Like actually, 'this could get him in real trouble'- bad. But Gavin was a born rulebreaker.

He closed his eyes, slowly letting his hands slide deeper and deeper until they brushed his painful erection.

He would only touch it a bit. Just to get _some_ pleasure out of this. His fingers wrapped around the shaft and he applied pressure, imagining some woman he saw in the last porn video he watched. She had great big boobs and plumb lips, long pink nails and small hands.

He started to move his hand up and down, medium speed, low pressure, that's the way he liked it. But somehow... It wasn't enough.

His movement got more rapid, more franatic, he let out a frustrated grunt.

And then his fantasy changed to something... more appealing.

Suddenly instead of the woman's hand, it was the hand of a man. Wrapping around forcefully and hard and rough.

And Gavin sweared it was the hand of Niles, but only because of his shower gel.

He shivered, it felt so _fucking_ good when he moved his own hand again. Hard and fast.

“Niles...” he practically moaned.

What the fuck. He inhaled the scent deeply. Couldn't control anything anymore.

Did he masturbated in this shower too?

Gavin felt a rush of arousal in his body, as he imagined Niles before him, masturbating furiously ( _was he moaning his name too?)_.

Gavin's breathing slowly turned more and more heavy, irritated. He took more of the gel and made his fingers slide more easy.

He practically humped into his own hand at this point and imagined Niles on his knees, looking up with his dorky eyes and glasses. His lips getting closer and closer to the tip of his dick.

_Would he fuck him?_

Gavin almost came, when he thought about Niles bending him over there in the shower, but he still needed more.

On it's own accord his other hand moved around to probe his hole. He shuttered, it seemed pretty tight, Gavin was too turned on. Never having played with his hole, it was all new to him. But now he needed to come or would die.

Greedily he scooped up some gel and pushed the first finger inside. He moaned again, confused from the mixture of pain and pleasure. Tried to wiggle it around a bit and suddenly it slipped knuckle deep. He almost fainted. Wiggled it around and created a enormous pleasure.

Pushing in two fingers was even more painful and risky, but he rapidly started to jerk his dick again. Precum dripping from the tip, pooling on his feet.

And then he moved his fingers and he was _so fucking lost_.

His toes turned inwards, as he bent forward to reach inside even deeper. Moaning loudly and just being able to hope the shower would cover up his sounds.

He stopped touching his erection at all at this point and steadied himself on the wall.

He could almost imagine Niles grabbing his hips, so hard that it would leave bruises. Pushing himself in the tight warm space in which Gavin currently smashed his fingers inside. There were lewd sounds when he twisted his wrist, couldn't keep his mouth closed because it just felt so fucking amazing. His head was being clouded by lust.

“Please-” his voice was high and dripping with pleasure.

He pushed back against his own fingers feeling them slip in and out even easier and faster and deeper. He bit on his own lip. White pain mixed with the pleasure of fucking himself for the first time.

Gavin came so hard, Niles name fell from his lips. Gavin's legs couldn't support him anymore and he just slipped in the shower. Sobbing in the afterglow, his shame-cum was quickly washed away by the water, which already turned ice cold.

“Gavin??”

There was a knock on the door. _Fuck._

“DON'T COME IN!” said Gavin way too quick and remembered in which shower he just masturbated so intensely (and had one of the best orgasms ever). He tried to climb up the wet and slippery tiles.

“I heard you call my name and then a crash, are you hurt?”

Niles voice was dripping with concern. Gavin thought about his own abused asshole, but thought this wasn't the 'being hurt' Niles was referring to (and should ever know about).

“I-I slipped. But nothing happened.” Gavin answered, begging Niles would just let him die in peace.

There was a short silence.

“Well... Tea is ready.”

Gavin waited a few seconds, checking if he really erased all the cum and left the shower. He took a fresh towel and wrapped it around his waist.

“Niles? Do you have some clothes I can lend, mine are fucking wrecked.” he said and left the bathroom.

He shivered, because of the cold air that hit his skin.

Niles looked around the corner.

“Gavin! Your lip!”

Within a second he came to stand in front of Gavin and grabbed his face, carefully examining the cut.

“It's bleeding again.”

With one thumb he stroked his cheek.

“I told you, I fell because there is no _fucking_ bathmat in your shower.” Gavin said, he wanted to sound angry but didn't succeed.

Niles chuckled softly.

“Don't worry. I'll take care of you.” he whispered and suddenly Gavin noticed how close they were.

Niles hands on his cheeks, Gavin's knee bumped against his legs.

He would never know how wonderful those words, he just said, made Gavin feel. They made him feel like he was finally... home.

Niles leaned forward, Gavin could feel his breath. He inhaled his scent deeply. This felt... good?

“Did you use my shower gel?”

“Of course!” stuttered Gavin, pulling himself out of the weird embrace and trying to calm this feeling in his belly.  
“T-There was nothing else!”

He felt his ears growing red.

“Calm down. It's okay if you clean yourself with it, _everywhere_.”

Gavin couldn't stand his piercing glance anymore. Did the shower really covered his sounds?

“Give me something to wear?”

He heard Niles laugh again softly. Then he took his wrist and pulled him to bedroom.

“Put this on the cut.” he commanded and gave him a smaller towel, Gavin did as he was told and watched Niles open his drawers, pulling out some clothing from the neatly ordered things.

“I will fill up the cups.” he mumbled and turned around after leaving the clothes on his bed.

“Yes – I mean no.-” Gavin stuttered again, Niles slowly turned around and looked at him with a questioning facial expression.

“Don't leave.” Gavin whispered, felt a weird bubbling in his heart and then just let the towel drop to the floor.

The effect on his action followed instantly.

Niles pupils tinted his iris pitch black as he allowed his eyes to roam down Gavin's nude body. The air seemed to thicken around them and there was suddenly so much _want_.

Gavin wanted to scream and rip out his insides because they were being pulled towards the man in front of him. Standing there, his mouth slightly open and shivering fists. His adams apple moved as he swallowed heavily.

He liked his attention, liked that he could sort of control Niles, liked that he was looking at him. It was so exciting and Gavin fucking moaned right there. Niles aortas were pulsing rapidly, he licked his lips, hand slowly shifting to his own crotch, beginning to open his pants, and Gavin wanted to devour his cock.

Then the fucking door bell rang.

Niles turned beet red, throwing his hands in the air.

“I-I-I orderd chinese food.”

Awkwardly he pointed in the direction of the door.

“I-I will get it. I guess.”

And then he escaped out of the room.

The shirt Niles gave him was greatly oversized and five elements of the periodic table ('Sc, I, E, N, Ce') were printed on. It clung to his small frame and he had to tie the jogging pants tightly just above his hips, so they want slip down. His lip stopped bleeding and he kicked the bloody towel in a corner, before leaving the room.

Niles looked at him again, while trying to scoop out the last remnants of Chinese noodles on two plates. His cheeks were turning red, when he saw Gavin wearing his clothes.

Gavin tried to dodge his gaze again, that always made him feel so feverish.

“Great, now I look like a fucking nerd.” he whispered and nervously grabbed the rim of the shirt.

“Don't expect me to be a science-freak now.”

“Lets sit down.” he mumbled absently.

Niles propped a cushion up so Gavin could sit more comfortable. Then there was a bland towel wrapped around them both, Niles tucked it, the force pulled them closer together.

He turned on the TV, Jurassic Park (“We will watch the first one because the others suck ass.”) and they silently ate the Chinese food.

“ _If I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself_.” Niles suddenly hummed and Gavin looked up to him. He chuckled softly when he noticed the confusion, but then went on.

“ _Everything I have found, dear, I’ve not found by myself ._ ”

“Shut up.” Gavin whispered hesitantly, not sure how to react. Placing his hand on Niles shifting belly.

“ _Try and sometimes you'll succeed, To make this man of me._ ”

Gavin felt goosebumps on his arms, shivers running up and down his spine.  
“ _All my stolen missing parts, I’ve no need for anymore._ ” Niles continued to sing in a low smooth voice that slowly crept deeper under Gavin's skin.

He let his head rest on Niles chest, careful to not be too loud and listened to his voice. Closing his eyes, just, for the first time, being there, existing.

“ _I believe, And I believe 'cause I can see_  
_Our future days, days of you and me._ ”

He wasn't sure if Niles lips actually pressed against his hairline, because he fell asleep so fast. But he indeed knew that was the best sleep he got in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess we can all agree that Gavin deserved some (Self-)love. ;)
> 
> Btw, the song Niles was singing to him is called Future Days - Pearl Jam (Give it a try, it's so good! :D)


	6. Praise

Gavin woke up about three times that night. The first time was, as he realized that he actually feel asleep. He realized that Niles arm was tightly wrapped around him. Most of the room was pitch black and he could only make out forms of furniture. Only the TV was illuminated. On the screen was Netflix, asking if they were still watching. This was... awkward. He tried to get out of the embrace, but Niles grip was too strong. He mumbled something before continuing to snore softly in Gavin's ear. There were goosebumps, where ever their bodies touched. Hesitantly Gavin decided to just endure this a bit longer. He didn't realize how fast he had fallen asleep again.

The second time was more terrifying. He woke up from a nightmare, woken from recognizing his own loud voice in his sleep. _Let go of me, father._

He was so cold, but then there were lips, lips barely brushing across his neck. Niles tried to comfort him, grabbed his thrashing arms and wrapped one leg around Gavin's shivering lower body. Was he awake to?

Niles breath was irregularly, rapidly gushing above Gavin's overheating skin. Nobody dared to say a word, nor loose the embrace. It took Gavin even longer to fall asleep again, but he didn't dare to leave Niles.

The third time he woke up, the sun was already tinting the dark sky in a orange light and he knew he had to go now.

Before Niles would wake up and things would get really _messy_ between them.

Messy like in: Niles would want to talk with him about yesterday and maybe even, Gavin shuttered, make him breakfast. He would smile at him with that stupid face and expect more than Gavin was capable to provide (he was sure about that).

Yesterday... He broke down. That was a one time thing. It wouldn't work out between them anyway.

He slowly moved the foreign arm from his body, shivering from the sudden cold and managed to free himself from Niles leg. The boy mumbled something in french but didn't seem to wake up. Good, Gavin thought. He could end this painless and easy.

He had to squint his eyes to make out his shoes in the darkness, they were still kinda damp, making sloppy sounds and leaving glistering prints in the upcoming sunlight. Niles turned around, wrapping his arms around himself and grunting with displeasure.

Did he miss the heat of Gavin's body?

His hips jerked suddenly forward and Gavin's eyes went wide as he imagined what would have happened if he still laid there. Maybe he just had a wet dream. He waited a few seconds, almost as if he wanted to see Niles miss his body, to see Niles moan and thrash around.

But then he went on, silently escaping the apartment. He briefly thought about leaving a note but that wasn't something Gavin would do. No, Gavin was an asshole, somebody without boundaries. And he just proofed that to himself again, when he closed the door behind him.

Gavin jogged a few blocks away, before fetching his phone out of the pocket. The upcoming sun tinted everything in this neighborhood into a dirty glow. There were puffs of air coming out of his mouth and he shivered. Still only wearing the shirt and the pants he slept in. _Fuck me I guess_ , Gavin thought.

Calling Leo was a good idea, he picked up after it rang two times. There was a gruff. Sounding rather distressed.

“Hey... C-Can you pick me up? Got myself in a little trouble.”

Gavin turned around, a arm tightly wrapped around his chest, hand rubbing his skin. The other one pressed the phone against his ear.

He tried to figure out which window belonged to Niles apartment and if he could see him from there. Pathetic.

“Man, you sound worse than my grandma and she's dead.” he laughed.

Gavin was silent, not in the mood for Leo's stupid jokes. He cleared his throat.

“Send me the direction and I'll be on my way.”

“Sure thing.” said Gavin, his voice already shaking because of the cold.

Then it clicked and he sent his current address to Leo.

“What the fuck?” Leo said when he arrived.

He was _definitely_ staring at the bruises on his neck and the cut in his lip.

“What?” snarled Gavin _definitely_ ignoring Leo and shot him a cold glare.

Leo got the hint directly and scanned his body awkwardly.

“Your shirt.”

He squinted his eyes and trying to read what was spelled on it.

“Sc-I-E-N-Ce?? Is this some Breaking Bad shit?”

Gavin jumped on the motorcycle. He wanted to get away from here, from Niles and the intimate moments they shared. The memories made him feel so vulnerable, he hated it.

“Just get me somewhere, where I can get high.” he begged to Leo, at this point he wasn't sure anymore, if he was shaking because of the cold or the withdrawal.

But the boy hesitated.

“You know... You can talk with me too-”

“- I got 200 bucks.” Gavin interrupted him.

He wanted to vomit, he didn't need any more affection.

“How did you get it? I thought you were always broke.” asked Leo baffled and his hand hovering above the gas.

“None of your fucking business.” Gavin wrapped his arms a bit to tight around Leo's torso. He tensed up. “You wanted the money. I got it. I'm gonna give it to you. That's all that matters or not?”

Gavin felt like all his social energy was drained because of the evening with Niles, he wasn't in the mood to explain or even argue with Leo.

That made him finally shut up and start to drive.

The sun was creeping up faster, the city waking up as they cruised above the wet pavement.

He wouldn't even consider them as friends.

Just a dealer and his client.

They stopped a few yards away from the trailer park Leo lived in.

“Get off.” he commanded and Gavin stood next to Leo, when he shoved his bike into the bushes and covered it with some large branches. His way of insurance.

“Take my jacket. Otherwise the sluts will be suspicious and start asking questions.”

With _the sluts_ he meant his two younger sisters, who were living together with him, as long as their dad was stuck in prison. Since four years, he told his sisters, their father would be free next Christmas, but that Christmas never came.

Gavin knew he was in prison for strangling a bigger drug supplier to death and stealing his stash. He was a drug dealer, like father like son.

Gavin wondered if he was like _his_ father.

He would ask his mom if she wouldn't break down in tears, whenever he asked something about the deceased man.

Maybe she was more emotional stable with that bastard at her side now. Barking like a security dog.

But he had hardly talked to her in the last four years, since she married that fucking rich douche and Elijah came into his life. Introducing himself as the rich and beloved son.

At the beginning they actually tried to get along, even celebrated their first Christmas together as a 'patchwork-family', like his mother called it.

Gavin got so drunk on eggnog, that he punched that stupid smile out of the face of the man. that fucked his mother. He then threw him out of the house. At Christmas eve, a 14 year old.

He remembered coming to exactly this trailer that night. Knocking on the door and snorting speed for the first time.

Leo opened the door to his trailer. It was in a bad shape, but so were the others.

It went downhill from there, his first time doing coke, blacking out, stealing to get money. The rich douche managed to rip his own mother away from Gavin and weirdly only Elijah stayed.

One particular bad night even defending him as his 'father' raised his fist again. Stepping between them and saying he gave Gavin the 300 bucks he used to stack up his speed stash (he wasn't even mad that Gavin stole it from his college fund).

“Breakfast is in the fridge.” Leo mumbled and opened a cupboard, pulling out his stash.

“Make yourself a home.”

Gavin proceeded to open the fridge and scanned the content. It wasn't a lot. There was a open bottle of wine, milk (he didn't wanted to touch), a bread loaf that was already starting to mold and half a glass of peanut butter, a spoon sticking out of it.

He grabbed the peanut butter, checked the expiration date just to be sure and started shoving some spoons in his mouth. He leaned his body against the counter and watched Leo weigh the white powder. He looked like he could become a great chemistry teacher, if it wasn't for his occupation as a dealer.

“Gavin.” purred a familiar voice behind him.

And he almost dropped the spoon as a hand sneaked to his waist.

“Go back to bed, slut. You are interrupting my work again.” Leo grunted without letting his eyes leave the number on the scale.

The small girl chuckled. Not taking his words seriously. And continuing to press her boobs against Gavin's upper arm.

“Your hair is shorter.” he noted.

“Now my sister looks like a fucking boy.” Leo snarled and shot her a toxic glare.

Chantal rolled her eyes.

“I like it.” he answered and immediately the girl purred again. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

“Come in my bed quick. Leo still has to measure the speed and I could make time pass quicker.”

She looked up at him with those long lashes.

Chantal had to be 13 or maybe 14. She wasn't actually a slut, Leo just teased her and that was his way of showing affection. She grew fond of Gavin, when he started to take care of the two girls. Whenever Leo was too fucked out or had to stay in a cell over night. Gavin didn't took her flirting seriously.

“Na, sorry, Chanty. I would love to get my head blown away but I prefer drugs for that today.” he said, shoving another spoon inside his mouth. She smiled at him again.

“Sure.” she purred, sounding like a fucking cat.

“Leo? Did you stock up the fridge?” she asked, playing with a strand of her hair and seizing Gavin up.

It really made her look more boyish, that was pretty neat.

“I told you I have no fucking money until next week.” he grunted in displeasure.

And Chantal angry stomped with her feet.

“I told you to not blast so much money on your stupid stash again.”

“Chanty, my business is getting really big right now.” (Not really.) “I am getting orders from the whole city.” (Well that was an exaggeration.) “Soon we will swim in money.” (…)

Chantal just opened the fridge and pulled out the bread. Scraping some of the mold off with her bare fingers.

“Do you think I can still eat this?” she asked innocently and Gavin felt his insides tying into a knot.

He set the glass of peanutbutter aside. Fucking empathy.

“Listen Leo, give me some for 150 bucks.”

He howled.

“What, why?”

“The rest is to go stock up this stupid fridge.” said Gavin, Chantal showing him a thankful smile.

“And buy actual food this time. Not just cigarettes and wine.” he added, this time talking to the girl.

Then he pulled out a 50 dollar bill and sent her to the closest supermarket, before changing his mind.

“Wanna shoot it up here?” asked Leo.

They were situated on the small set of stairs that let to the door of the trailer. The sun was now already up, marking that a the night in Detroit ended and a new day would start. A man that had trouble walking, stepped into his trailer. Pulling his limp leg behind him. There was a dog barking in front of his window and he threw out a trash bag, the dog howled and ran away.

Leo took out a small vile and place it under one nostril, the other one he covered with his finger and snorted the powder. Sniffing, watching the streetlight (that were still functioning in this part of Detroit) turn off.

“Do you want to live here forever?”

“In this trailer?” he asked not really looking at Gavin.

“No, I mean, in Detroit. Like this.”

Leo seemed to think about his answer a few moments and Gavin gave him the time. Somewhere was an old tape playing the original recording from a rock concert and there was screaming, something crashed and there was no more screaming. It smelt like shit and trash and piss.

“Hell no.” Leo eventually said. “But it's not like I have a choice, you know? We were born here and we will die here. I guess that's the only thing that's sure in our lives.”

It sounded somewhat poetic and Leo seemed proud of his own words, sniffing another time on the vile.

“And you?”

“I guess you're right.”

There was no bright future, neither of them had any goals, despite surviving and maybe not getting imprisoned. And then he thought about Niles and how he had everything. Fucking golden boy.

“My landlord's gonna throw me out next month. I couldn't pay the rent again.”

Leo nodded, pulling his knees up to his chest, they were two ripped holes in them.

“You can crash here, just don't touch my sisters.” he laughed, already slipping further away from reality.

Gavin smiled weakly, maybe he was more than his dealer.

“Come on, let's get you inside.” he said and practically pulled Leo back in the trailer.

Leo's eyes lolled in weird directions and Gavin's phone started to ring. Moving skilled he accepted the call, squished the phone between shoulder and ear and pulled on Leo to get him on his side.

“Come on big guy.” he grunted and pushed with all his force.  
“Gavin? Where the fuck are you?”

Elijah's voice was loud and painful. Gavin dropped his smartphone with a surprised gasp.

“Eli-”

Quickly he put the call on speaker. But Elijah didn't let him answer.

“Come to our school. Directly. God... Can you even comprehend how furious I am?”

Now he gave Gavin a few seconds to think. It crashed down on him with full force.

_The test. Fuck, he forgot the motherfucking test._

Elijah had to pay a lot of money and patience to get the director to allow Gavin to retake an exam, that would let him stay on the school. And he forgot it was today.

“I swear to you-”

“Is that Eli?” Leo whimpered, after Gavin succeeded to turn him into a stable side position.

He then made weird kissing sounds in the phone.

“Leo? Are you at Leo's place? Gavin-”

“Eli, I love you.” bashed Leo and tried to grab the phone, Gavin managed to get out of his reach.

“Okay...” Elijah was silent for a moment.

There was the rustling of keys in the background and then the roaring of an engine.

“I'm gonna get you now. And you better be prepared for the test, Gavin Reed.”

He ended the call and Gavin let out a low cry.

“I love you so much, Eli.” Leo mumbled again.

After the test was down Gavin went to the basketballcourt, lit up a cigarette and watched Markus play. He eventually noticed Gavin standing there and came closer. Sweat was dripping down his forehead and he grabbed the cigarette Gavin give him, it was the one he smoked before. Markus took a drag and pulled up his eyebrows, a questioning look.

“It's my last one. You can be happy, that I share it with you.” he mumbled and pushed his hands in the pockets of Leo's jacket.

He had to look weird, the way he was dressed. And he didn't take a shower in the morning. God, he had to reek like piss. No wonder the teacher looked so relieved when he finally left the exam room.

Markus crushed the but under his sole.

“Come on. I have some spare clothing.”

Gavin wanted to protest, but what could he say? Eventually he followed Markus into the changing room.

Markus laid a pair of jeans on the bench and a black sweater. Gavin waited.

“What?” Markus asked.

“Can you...”

Gavin gestured a halfcircle with his finger and Markus chuckled.

“Of course, _princess_.”

That made Gavin's cheeks glow red and he was happy that the boy had already turned around. Otherwise this would be even more embarrassing.

“Markus... You know about that one night-” he stopped.

Checking if he still remembered what happened between them, maybe Gavin was lucky and he had a massive black out.

“Yes?” his voice was curious but there was something else.

“I know you are straight as an arrow...”

Gavin pulled the shirt over his head.

“So...”

He stepped out of his shoes and dropped the jogging pants.

“This was just a one time thing, don't worry about anything being awkward between us now -”

With a loud _Thump_ his naked back met the lockers and Markus lips were firmly locked on his. Gavin gasped in surprise giving Markus enough room to slip in his tongue, exploring his mouth. Hungrily he grind his body against Gavin's.

“You know -” he said, barely disconnecting their lips. “- I was always curious about boys and -”

Markus kissed him again, closing his eyes, fucking wrapping his tongue around Gavin's.

“- then you were there with your gorgeous eyes and that sweet smile.”

Without hesitation he lifted Gavin up, pressed himself between his legs and his body moved like a fucking wave. Markus apparently had a lot of experience with girl because Gavin moaned and melted under his movements. He still couldn't form any words.

“I thought I could never touch you, but then we were getting so close and on the party it was so obvious all of the sudden.”

He pulled his own shirt off and Gavin's hands were immediately glued to the abs.

“ _You wanted it too_.”

Markus fucking growled, animalistic and dark and that went right into Gavin's crotch. Gavin wrapped his arms around Markus head and pulled him against his lips again.

Not being used to so much praise.

He closed his eyes, trying to mimic his skilled movements, failing. The boy smiled against his lips. Grabbing a handful of his arse and pushing there crotches together at the same time.

The first word left Gavin's lips.

“ _Niles_ -”

**No. Fucking. Way.**

Markus stilled for a moment, Gavin searching for more movement.

“Fuck it.” whispered Markus. “I'll just go with the flow.”

And ripped down Gavin's boxer. And yes, in his head there was Niles again instead of Markus. Manhandling him and grasping at his naked butt.

“ _Yes_.” he practically purred and under all that smell from the trailer park and Markus sweat there was still _him_.

“I hope I don't interrupt anything.” said a dark, hoarse voice.

Markus stared at the man, his eyes widening in shock. Gavin was still glued to the lockers. For a moment he was blinded by the lights. Markus put something, apparently his dick, back into the basketball shorts and helped Gavin down quickly. Gavin rushed to the bench, pulling the new pants up. His whole body was blushing.

“I suppose that is not the appropriate use for a changing room.”

And Gavin slowly turned around again.

“No, Sir.” Markus said and looked nervously down at his erection, tried to cover it with his shirt.

Finally he could make out the face of the stranger and gasped in shock.

There was a sudden rush of adrenaline. Gavin grabbed his shoes and the sweater and ran barefoot out of the lockerroom. Far, Far away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I included some Smut, whoops. Hope you enjoyed it though. :P  
> And who could the stranger be?


	7. Secrets

“Hey! Wait!” There was his fucking voice. Loud and painfully familiar.

He grabbed his wrist and pulled a bit to hard. Gavin almost fell and winced.

“Let me go!” he said, trying to break free, swiping his free arm and trying to attack him. The man dodged his claws and Gavin let out a howl. Glaring at him.

“Gosh, do you get of on your own students? Hitting them? Punishing them? _Fucking_ them?” he cursed.

The man turned red, ashamed of what Gavin said. He slowly let go of Gavin's arm. The boy didn't run away, instead he crossed his arms over his chest. Trying to look strong, trying to hide the fact that he had all those sick thought in his brain, wanting to gasp in arousal and excitement. His wrist was still burning from the harsh and big hands.

“I'm sorry. Really.” Allen said, fiddling with his fingers. “I should have told you I am a teacher- I didn't know you still went to highschool.”

Gavin didn't say anything. His brain was playing the situation in the dark alley non-stop. He tried to block it out, but then the smell of his perfume hit his nose. And that was all it took, his cheeks were burning now too. But due to a different reason.

“Please, this has to stay our secret. The headmaster would fire me, I just started teaching biology today. Maybe they would even put me into prison if they knew- I touched you. You don't want this, am I right?”

Gavin bit his tongue. Actually, he didn't know what he wants.

“I have a woman and two lovely kids. Two and five years.” he continued. “She would take them away from me and leave, if she knew that I had something with one of my students. They are all I have.”

Allen seemed seriously concerned and Gavin felt pity growing in his stomach.

At the end, he didn't force him to anything, Gavin wanted him to grope and hit him. Gavin was the sick predator, not this teacher. He was the one who couldn't deal with his aggression and should be put in prison.

“How about a deal?” asked Gavin, and cocked up his right eyebrow.

He swallowed down this weird feeling that was building up inside of him.

Allen stopped, for a second he looked like he wanted to scream at Gavin. The boy was such a brat. And he felt confident again.

“Okay, okay. I see... You want money. Sure, I can do that... How about 200 bucks?”

He pulled out the familiar purse and grabbed two bank notes. Gavin watched him do so and suddenly got an idea. A solution for a lot of his problems. He started to smile.

“Make it 300.”

Allen opened his mouth to say something, hesitantly.

“Every month.” Gavin added and watched all the color leave Allen's face.

“What?” Allen gasped. “300? That's too much, it's not possible, my wife would find out...”

“300 bucks every month _and_ you can continue to touch me. I won't tell anybody.”

Gavin had a smug smile on his lips.

“Think about it.” he said in a seductive tone, playing his role perfectly.

That apparently set of Allen's head cinema because his pupils dilated and he licked his lips, absently looked at the ring on his finger and then to Gavin again. Jackpot.

He pulled out another 100 dollar bill.

“Deal.”

He enjoyed the feeling of being wanted, he enjoyed the excitement, when he let Allen press him against the teachers desk, just before class started.

Gavin let out a needy moan, when his teacher lifted him on the desk and pressed himself between his legs. Heavy and hard waves grinding against his crotch. Gavin closed his eyes, holding onto Allen's neck.

“Fucking beautiful boy.” he grunted and let his hands fall down to Gavin's hips, grabbing them hard and pulling him even closer.

“Better than my wife.”

There were lips latching on to his neck, biting, hard, but careful to not leave any marks. He would smell like him again, heavy, adult musk.

Nobody cared anyway. Nobody would suspect Mr. Allen, the sweet and charming biology teacher and husband to grope on dirty boys like Gavin.

Gavin knew how to turn him on, how to break him.

The door opened and Niles bashed in.

“I'm sorry- But I feel so sick Mr. Allen, I guess I can't attend-” he stopped when he saw what was going on. Mr. Allen already jumped away and bumped his head on the whiteboard, but Gavin was still a little too red, they were breathing a little too heavy.

“G-Gavin?” mumbled Niles, before he turned pale white and crashed on the ground.

“NILES!” Gavin jumped from the desk, his strained legs almost giving up on his weight.

He took another leap and kneed in front of Niles unconscious body. He felt his own bones and skin go numb, as he grabbed him by the shoulders and started to shake his body violently.

“Don't fuck with me!” he spit angry at Niles face.

He would get up and stupidly smile at him and go on with his dumb fucking day. Gavin was sure, there was no other possibility. One, he will open his eyes, two, and Gavin would punch him right there, three, yet nothing happend.

“WAKE UP!”

“Gavin! Stop! You are hurting him!” Allen said, trying to pull him off Niles. Gavin almost forgot the teacher was there.

Gavin digged into the flesh with his fingers, he let go with his left hand and tried to scratch Allen, who was still trying to get him away from Niles or take a closer look.

But Gavin couldn't let go, it was just now that he realized Niles was filling a hole inside of him. Letting him go (loosing him) meant not only a little raw spot, but also not being able to function properly anymore.

“Come on...”

Gavin wanted to do everything, but felt like he could do nothing. He just knew Niles had to be in immense pain right now and it cut him into a million pieces.

His lips were slowly turning blue, his mouth slightly ajar. A string of white bubbly spit leaving the corner. Gavin swiped it away. He eventually stopped shaking his body. Then the convulsions started.

“Stop, Niles- Please. I'm here, I'm right here, I won't let you down.” Gavin said, tears building in his eyes.

The heat and anger was long gone. Instead there was this pressure, like a migraine in his whole body. He felt that warm light within him missing. Gavin felt nauseous and lightheaded and completely out of whack with his own body.

Trying to hold Niles head steady, before it knocked on the ground again and again.

He felt so fucking helpless. How is it possible to feel this connected to another soul?

Niles took away Gavin's logic and his composure, his power and rationality. Everything that made him feel secure and in control was lost in that moment. He was just left with those feelings. Pain and worry and angst. It was so fucking raw.

He let Niles head convulse in his lap, trying to steady his shaking body.

There were more hands pulling at him now, voices. Gavin heard them, without paying attention to the meaning of their words.

The paramedics groped Niles body, as best as they could, with Gavin crying and sobbing over him. Insecure and innocent like a child.

“-If you want to help him, you'll have to give us a chance, boy.”

Gavin finally looked up and saw the red face of a young emergency doctor. His eyes were blue and confident.

Hesitantly he let go of his tight grip. Niles was pulled away from him and there were suddenly so many needles poking his delicate skin. Somebody gave him a paper but Gavin just crushed it in his fist. Then they lifted the body of the ground. They would take him away.

“NO!” Gavin exclaimed, jumping to his feet and ignoring the white spots in front of his eyes, ignoring that he would faint soon too.

Blood rushing through his body. A woman hooked her arm under his and pulled him to the ambulance. She said something to him, Gavin understood the word 'Boyfriend' and just nodded. She pulled a seat belt over Gavin's chest and let his hand hold on tight to Niles.

_Stay alive, please._

Everything happened so fast then. In a split second Gavin found himself in the hospital, a cup of cheap coffee in his shaking hands. There was soft eerie lighting of some emergency exit signs, a few feet away was the nurse office, through the door came low chattering. Gavin didn't saw the woman again, who allowed him to race to the hospital and wrapped Niles sweater around Gavin's shoulder.

The doctor called a nurse and asked her to take Gavin to the waiting room in front of the emergency department. She was the one who gave him the coffee, tried to talk to him but Gavin wasn't able to answer or even understand her words. The nurse was gone now too.

Gavin was all alone, still crying silently.

He hated himself for those feelings.

Gavin Reed was all over himself, Gavin Reed was an arrogant prick, he didn't need to care for anybody but himself.

He couldn't drink the coffee, he felt sick.

The air smelled like disinfectant and soap. The boy looked at his hands, a few minutes ago they were holding _him_. Gavin lifted his hands to the gap between his chin and chest, tight fists, still shaking a bit.

This wasn't like him. But he wanted him here _so_ badly.

“Mr. Reed?”

It was the woman that brought him here, she looked tired and exhausted and Gavin briefly wondered if it was because of Niles or the night shift.

“He's stable.”

She smiled warmly, her tired eyes lit up for a second, when she saw how Gavin reacted.

He let out a small gasp and felt his body finally stop shaking like a dog shitting razorblades.

“You can see him now, he is conscious again.”

“Does he know that I brought him to the hospital?” Gavin asked after pausing for a moment.

She shook her head. “Not yet. But I bet he will be happy when he sees his _boyfriend_.”

Gavin stood up. The nausea was even stronger now, he buried his own nails in the palms of his hands. Trying to not loose the grip on reality.

“Good... Please don't tell him I was here.”

She looked surprised, lifted her eyebrows but swallowed down her words.

This would be the best for both of them, at the end they weren't meant for each other.

Gavin turned around, embraced the night rain when he stepped outside.

This love he felt was one-sided and should stay like that. He didn't want more people to suffer, especially not Niles.

This would be his own tiny secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhh I am sorry for the delay xD
> 
> I just started working in a hospital and my work-life-balance is still like... not existing :,D  
> Also this was a hard point for me to write, I don't know why, but I hope it makes sense and you can understand why Gavin is acting like this?
> 
> I am scared my plot is too random uffff 
> 
> Jona c:

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is my friends,
> 
> a freshly baked fanfiction after two years of strict abstinence. (What am I doing?)
> 
> I will try to upload on regular basis and I am always open for criticism and story ideas, that I can include.  
> I hope you enjoyed it until here! 
> 
> Jona :D


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